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Don`t talk to me about disappointment. I had lots of adults tell me they were gonna "fix my little red wagon" yet here it sits with a broken wheel still
I once tried sniffing coke, but the ice cubes kept getting stuck up my nose.
As my mother-in-law and I fight to the death for her son`s love, I sometimes think to myself, "This may be the worst prize ever."
I hate people that don’t know the difference between “your” and “you’re”. Their so stupid…….
My idea of heaven consists of all of the things I`d go to hell for.
Mosquito landed on my friend`s face; easiest decision of my life.
From what I can gather, men hit their sexual peak around age 18. And women hit theirs as soon as the divorce is final.
They don`t seem to abduct humans like they used to; looks like we are not the only planet with government science-funding budget cuts.
Being a pizza delivery driver is great because literally no one is disappointed to see you
If I drank, I`d have a lot funnier status updates on Facebook than I do now. Well, at least I`d think they were funnier.
Laugh at your problems, everybody else does
It`s not you, it`s me. I just don`t like myself when I`m around you.
Can you find the the mistake? 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10. Click Funny if you did..
How can you tell if someone went to the gym? Don’t worry, they’ll tell you.
i just opened a fortune cookie and it started with the word unfortuneatly