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Some people are more confused then a chameleon in a packet of Skittles.
Lady`s if you want guys to look at your face instead of your chest ... eat a banana.
If you drink enough tonight, you won`t have to lie when you call in sick tomorrow.
We`re sorry to announce that due to budget cuts the beloved carol "Silver Bells" will be replaced with the more cost effective carol "Aluminium Bells".
Hurricanes, Fires,Tiger running loose ... Whoever is playing Jumanji needs to wrap it up
At this point in life, my greatest chance of having a threesome will be sex with a schizophrenic.
Today is a great day. The mailman just delivered me an Iron Maiden cassette, which finally fulfills my Columbia House commitment.
My problem is that all food is comfort food
Bored, so I’m going to find a kid that looks like me and tell him I’m him from the future.
The Bible is Christianity’s Terms of Service. Nobody actually reads it, but as long as u agree to everything in it, u can use the Heaven app
I could be a morning person....if morning happened around noon.
Whenever I hear "let me tell you the truth", I secretly cross my fingers, hoping they say "brownies are healthy, eat as many as you want."
keep scrolling I`ve got nothing....
"Huh?" (my thought for the day)
People at airports must not workout much because they are all using these treadmills wrong...