Daily Silly Status

You can turn anything into a compliment if you`re delusional enough.

PLEASE - put this on your status if you know someone (or are related to someone) who has been eaten by dragons. Dragons are nearly unstoppable and, in case you didn`t know, they can also breathe fire. 93% of people won`t copy and paste this, because they have already been eaten by dragons. 6% of people are sitting in the shower armed with fire extinguishers and the remaining 1% are awesome and will re-post.

I really wish Walmart had a 10 teeth or more line...

Dropping a can of soda and sticking it back in the fridge all shaken up for the next person to open is not nearly as funny when you live by yourself.

You know what’s more annoying than cops? People who buy old refurbished cop cars and keep the spotlight attached. We all hate you.

Does everyone have that one dumb ass that finds you on Facebook and will not give up? Repeated friend requests, inbox messages, and follows my pages. It is driving me nuts. I understand at some point I will have to give in, but just because I am married to her doesn`t mean I have to like her, right?

Hello is this HP? I’d like to make a return. I ordered a Laser Jet and you sent me a printer.

When people ask me if I’m working hard or hardly working, I like to stab them with a pen and ask if they’re hurting hard or hardly hurting.

Sometimes I post crazy shit just to see if my friend`s list will drop a few #`s

It`s not cellulite, it`s my body`s way of saying "I`m sexy" ... in braille.

I thought I was losing weight, but it turned out my sweatpants had come untied.

"I want to marry a smart, rich, and beautiful woman. But I don`t feel like getting married 3 times." - Hesam Ebrahim

The decline of civilization started when they stopped putting toys in boxes of cereal.

Give a man a fish and he`ll go to McDonald`s instead. Teach a man to fish and nope, still McDonald`s

I ordered a pizza when my wife went into labor. Thad ad said, "buy a pizza, and get free delivery.