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If I don`t `like` your post it`s because I don`t care...
Apparently a good way to get asked to leave the gym is to move a treadmill behind a guy on a stationary bike and pretend you`re angrily chasing him.
I wished I loved anything as much as white people love saying "gracias" at Mexican restaurants.
My wife told me, "I look really fat. Please make me feel better and compliment me." I said, "You have perfect eyesight."
shoutout to people who have money but still order off the dollar menu
Use a mirror and you will find, PI.E = 3.14
If I`m carrying a torch for you it`s only because I want to set you on fire.
I`m no auto mechanic but I`m pretty good at letting people who drive behind me know whether or not they need new brakes
The best part about being an adult is, nobody can tell you, you can`t have ice cream for breakfast.
Damn, it`s like these people have never seen anyone bring a flask to the gym before.
No thank you, I don`t need a coaster. I won`t be putting my drink down.
Getting that beach body is easy. You just have to know where to dig.
Sarcasm is a dominant gene in my family.
My wife is driving me to drink. I hope she remembers to pick me up when Iām done.
change your birthday on facebook to today, see how many people say happy birthday for APRIL FOOLS!!!! lol