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India launched a rocket to Mars yesterday… That’s a heck of a place to put a call center.
Someone asked who sang Johnny B Goode, and I said Marty McFly because I`m not an idiot and I know how time travel works.
It`s hard to diet when your favorite exercise is chewing...
Sometimes I think I`m a relatively smart person. Other times I put my shoes on before my pants and realize who I really am.
We`re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap...
I`ve learned more from one season of "Shark tank", than I ever learned in four years of buisness school.
Heard Justin Bieber got arrested for drag racing. Sure it`s dangerous, but surely it isn`t against the law to run in high heels...
Preheating an oven requires too much commitment.
To hell with the "dislike" button! i think we need a "who cares" button, a "WTF" button and a "STFU!" button. just saying.... Oh and a "lol" button because i just get tired of writing it! lol!
Fun Game: Walk down a hallway with both arms outstretched to the walls while shouting, "Hug me or turn around!!!"
New favorite term: Multislacking. It’s nice to find a name for something you’re good at.
"Are u going to the circus?" is a perfectly good sentence when not used as a follow-up 2 your wife`s question: "how does my make-up look?"
I`m no magician but I can walk down the street and turn into a bar!
I rather read the software license agreement for my computer than some peoples Facebook status drama on my newfeeds
I hate it when people tell me I look young for my age because it implies my age is old.