Daily Silly Status

Have you heard about the new movie called constipation? It hasn`t come out yet.

Have you ever looked at your ex and wondered...WAS I drunk the whole time?

off to bed...evil schemes don`t dream themselves up.

The more you know. Daylight Savings started back in 1964 when Jerry Daylight Savings was an hour late for work & convinced his boss all the clocks were wrong.

Let’s get naughty and save Santa the trip.

I bet some of you would absolutely kill it in a race where you had to jump over obstacles while looking at your phone.

It takes a brave man to admit when his wife is wrong .

My worst fear is seeing one of my statuses marked as "exhibit A"

I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were shouting, `13...13....13...13.` The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks and looked through to see what was going on. Some idiot poked me in the eye with a stick. Then they all started shouting. `14...14...14...14....

I`ve seen more pins in the last few days then stone cold steve austin on groundhog day..

The only human interaction I want for the rest of the day is the exchange of money between me and the liquor store cashier

If your friends can accurately guess your age, you need to find dumber friends.

Finally, my winter fat is gone, now all I have are spring rolls.

My wife told me to strive for perfection, so I divorced her and started dating a swimsuit model.

I`m Outdoorsy, as in I like to get drunk and pass out in the yard....