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I`ve single handedly defeated my erection.
Immature >>> A word boring people use to describe fun people..
Behind every beautiful song is a person who really shouldn`t sing it out loud in public
If this cold snowy weather doesn`t clear up soon, I may never get in the mood to take down the Christmas tree-
THESE NACHOS ARE THE BOMB! …..and that’s how I got my nachos taken away at the airport.
That weird feeling when you wake up from a nap & you don`t whether it`s am or pm or what day, month, or year it is.
Your selfie would be way better if you weren`t in it.
How to get laid: 1)Lay on bed... Wait 1 hour until lay becomes past tense
Wait, there`s a "wrong hole"?
I got this weird condition where I drink a case of beer and fall down.
I`d share my Netflix login but I`m too embarrassed by "My List".
Hey guys with your phone in a hip holster, is it because your purse is too full with tampons?
drinking 2% milk, wondering what the other 98% is...
I Like this quote. I dislike this quote. I am so clever that sometimes I don´t understand a single word of what I am saying.
I always dress up when I try to cook. The odds of me starting a fire are pretty high and I want to make sure I look good for the firemen.