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So if one was to type ‘idiot’ into Google, would your picture come up?
United States is where moms get a day and shark get a whole week.
My inner child is a drunken whore
Apparently not checking the mail is not a valid excuse for not paying your bills. The more you know.
My cardio is shopping.
To be fair, if I had a friend who could turn water into wine - I’d worship him too.
After a while you just get used to people not understanding.
Do you think people in Mexico ever say, "Those jobs keep stealing all our Mexic?ns!"
Why is it that most nudists are people you don`t want to see naked?
I just read more people are killed by toasters than sharks.So if you`re swimming in the ocean and see a toaster SWIM FOR YOUR LIFE!
It`s important to teach your children math so they can better understand what episode of Star Wars they are watching.
What supermarket did the pilgrims visit to purchase their canned gelatin cranberry sauce? I want my Thanksgiving to be authentic.
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means that I dropped them on the way from the dryer ... That`s all.
Don`t let anyone tell you what you can`t accomplish. That`s what self-doubt is for.
R.I.P. 2013 (2013-2013)