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I got drunk last night and watched the most hilarious television show for hours until I sobered up and realized it was just a mirror.
You just don`t see enough people being taken away in straight jackets anymore.
“Nevermind.” Translation: You should’ve listened the first time.
I`m thinking about investing some serious cash in gold....or maybe some other color.
FACT: The "sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don`t" is not really a good defense in court
Personality is 40% genetics, 40% upbringing, and 20% the last movie you watched.
If karma doesn`t hit you, I gladly will.
An elderly woman at an ATM asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over. Yup, she needs a walker.
im so hungry, im farting fresh air
I just went into an AOL chat room to ask someone how to start a fire with sticks.
Without coffee, I’m just a really tall 2 year old.
Emails from your boss assigning you work do not qualify as cyber bullying. I checked.
There is no such thing as something looking "Too good to eat"
I don`t like morning people ... Or mornings ... Or people.
My reaction to stepping in dog sh!t is identical to me logging onto Facebook