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that awkard moment when someone`s laugh is actually funnier than the joke
The part of “no” that I don’t understand is the part where I don’t get what I want.
Saw a billboard ad for potato chips that proudly claimed "There`s a lot of pride in every bag!" Hmmm...is "pride" another word for "air"?
You know you are old when your birthday suit doesn`t fit anymore.
April Fools Day has been cancelled this year.
"Nineteen letters long" is 19 letters long.
How to fall down stairs: Step 1 Step 6 Step 7,8,9,11
Why don`t we wait for life on other planets to find us? Why do we have to do all the work?
It`s all sh*ts and giggles till somebody giggles and sh*ts
One of the things I like to say to a girl after we have sex for the first time is "Hmm, damn weird... I heard you were better."
I feel sorry for people who don`t have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor.
Instead of `What`s on your mind?` Facebook should say `Just relax on the couch and tell me all about your problems. Don`t worry, nobody will know`..
Whenever I hear someone call my name, my first instinct is to walk faster
I wouldn`t say I`m a stalker so much as I am a covert observation enthusiast.
Mix it up a little. Text a random phone number the following msg: "The fat one won`t fit into the woodchipper. What do you want me to do?"