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I end a sentence with "just sayin" because ending it with "dumbass" would be offensive.
You never know a person until you walk in their shoes, or until you check their browser history.
People who think I’m not a religious person should see me when the airplane starts to shake.
I’m in a long distance relationship. Sure, some people refer to it as a restraining order, but still.
Its all fun and games..until you get stuck on a level of candy crush!!!
When people start praying before a meal, I close my eyes and imagine how far I could throw a potato if I really put my heart into it.
Lazy Fact #69302246777573 - You were too lazy to read that number.
Relationships, Marriages, work and children are what keep alcohol companies in business.
Mark my words: In a year, the leading cause of death will be “Beaten to death with a selfie stick”
Dear Carly Simon, Yes I am so vain that I do think that song is about me.
I`ve found that nowadays most people don`t like holding hands in public. Especially if you don`t know them.
The best thing about weed is it teaches you that it`s okay to take 35 minutes to make a sandwich
Do Me: a favor. - Punctuation is important.
Intelligence is like underwear. It`s important that you have it but there`s no need to show it off.
RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE: 3 fingers behind your phone, your pinky tucked under for support and your scrolling with your thumb! LIKE if I’m right!!!!