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Turning your signal light on once you`ve already changed lanes is just about as useful as offering to help the old lady across the street AFTER she`s already been hit by a school bus full of screaming children. Just sayin`
Finally did it. 25 inflatable mattresses later and I’ve finally turned my apartment into a bounce castle.
As I said before, I never repeat myself.
Never throw sunglasses in an argument. If they land perfectly on your opponent`s face there is no known comeback.
Just quit my job so I can spend more quality time giving out candy crush extra lives.
Dear neighbor mowing your yard this morning, I found my bagpipes for tonight.
We had a power outage last week and my PC, TV and games console shut down immediately, so I had to talk to my family for a few hours. They seem like nice people.
why would you go outside? that`s where bugs live
Wearing my pajamas to Walmart. I don`t want to attract any attention.
my entire life is a "had to be there" moment
I took part in the sun tan world championships this weekend. I got bronze.
We can put laser-equipped robots on Mars, but wrinkled dollar bills still don’t work in vending machines?
I can catch a speeding bullet- only once.
mermaids swim by twerking do you ever just think about that
No one will ever look at you the way I do ... But thats probably because no one will ever do it from the tree outside your window