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Please ignore this post, I`m pretending to be adding a coworker`s phone number.
I don’t have an attitude problem… You have a problem with my attitude… That’s your problem, not mine.
I want the job where you push scared skydivers out of a plane
I love it when I Google something I should know the answer to and find out 308 people are just as dumb as I am.
The only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup is how close to the road the stuff is placed.
7,000 people were treated in emergency rooms for injuries sustained from fireworks. Don’t be a statistic, let your friend light the fuse
I have the same thought when I watch horror flicks as when I watch my wedding videos. I should have known who the psycho was much sooner.
I farted on my wallet. Now I have gas money
My favorite thing about winter...waking up from hibernation!
Attractive Woman: What time is it? Me: Haha. Yeah definitely
Shout out to the post office for delivering my recycling to me every day.
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Judging by the size of these chicken fingers, that chicken had to be somewhere between 7` to 10` tall.
I don`t hate you, but I hope you fall in love and get married.
If I die, bury me with fire extinguishers. Because: Hell