Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
It`s all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship`s kitchen.
Dear Microsoft Office Word I am pretty sure I spelled my name correct
If life Sucks, what makes you think death doesn`t Blow??
People say there are plenty of fish in the sea, well that is nice and all but I’m human, I don’t date fish.
I`m not saying I hate you, but I`d unplug your life support to charge my phone.
It’s almost 2015, I expect a toaster that pops the bread up in a less terrifying way.
Adding “and sh!t” at the end of a sentence can make anything sound thug. Example: “I was playing with my bubbles and sh!t.”
I’m drinking something. I`ll give you a hint: It starts with a B and rhymes with....um..... “beer.”
Don`t refer to them as voices in your head. Do as the professionals and call them your `team of writers`
You know you are getting old when a bunch of annoying teenagers get murdered in a horror movie and you relate more with the killer.
If it wasn`t for physics and law enforcement, I`d be unstoppable.
Jealous women do better research then the FBI. True story.
The only way to communicate with a drunk person is to get hammered too.
My wife told me to strive for perfection, so I divorced her and started dating a swimsuit model.
You`re such a slut, the only reason why you wear panties is to keep your ankles warm.