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Tonight I plan on drinking until I`m someone else`s problem
great day! laundry done, dishes and house cleaned.... who am I kidding? been drinking since 9 am!!
Let`s start by taking some notes today. I`m fabulous bitches! Write that down.
Are you one of those people that get hurt from things posted on Facebook? You can easily avoid that by keeping your a$$ off of Facebook.
I just scrolled so far back on Facebook`s Timeline... I wound up back over on MySpace. :(
The problem with kleptomaniacs is that they take things so literally.
Don`t talk to me about hard times. My dog just licked the last piece of pizza.
I should eat more healthy, but we all saw how that whole apple thing went for Adam & Eve.
L`oréal`s mascara makes your lashes 60% longer? Wow! They should make condoms.
Girl Scout cookie season is scientifically timed to occur just as people are giving up on their New Year`s resolutions.
More people would call the Gambling Addicts Helpline if they made every 5th caller a winner.
I hate when homesless people shake their cup of coins at me. It`s like yeah I know you have more money than me, no need to rub it in.
Some days are better than others. And those days always involve alcohol.
Sex in the City is the prequel to The Golden Girls, right?
Common sense has become so rare it should be classified as a superpower.