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Do you ever think that if it weren`t for someone smoking Marijuana they might of killed you already. . .
Best thing about being single… -no drama -no fighting -no crying -no feelings -no confusion -no worries -no PROBLEMS!
Lady at my gym is pedaling a stationary bike while eating chips right out of the bag. I`m hiring her as my personal trainer.
My friends were alway so nice. They were like "of course you`re not fat! Come on, grab two chairs and sit with us" :)
If every porkshop was perfect, we wouldn`t have hot dogs.
I get a real kick out of people who drive a mile in their car to run a mile on a treadmill.
I don’t know what it is but, it’s on sale.
times new roman walks into a bar. "sorry, we don`t serve your type."
Inviting a friend to play Candy Crush Saga is like hosting an intervention and providing the crack.
When people ask for my advice, I advise them not to take my advice. That really screws them up.
SNAUGHLING: Laughing so hard you snort, then laugh because you snorted, then snort because you laughed.
We are living in a generation where Vampires are sparkly,Werevolves are gay and Witches wear leather pants.
Me and the gummy bears have a plot to rule the world but shhhhh its a secret.
Back in my day it was called daydreaming…not ADHD.
The early bird needs a punch in the throat.