Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The further you push me away, the more I begin to enjoy viewing you from a distance.
I have many talents, but giving an f*ck isn’t one of them
“I’ll be speaking with my lawyer” is the adult version of saying “I`m telling mom”
Why do prostitutes charge per hour? I mean, what are we supposed to do for the other 57 minutes?
Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle
justin bieber
Is snaxting a thing? Texting each other pics of your snacks? Cause I feel like I’d be pretty good at that.
I did a half hour on the treadmill each day last week. This week, I`m up to 1 hour a day. I`m slowly building up to actually turning it on some time in the future.
I don’t love being single but I do love being happy.
The Mrs said she we need a "conversation piece" in the living room. I`m thinking taco cart...
Even when I change my mind, it still doesn`t work any better.
My entire existence is just me sitting around waiting to get hungry again.
Don`t EVER break a pinky promise. That sh!t is LEGIT.
i just opened a fortune cookie and it started with the word unfortuneatly
Any wife can be a trophy wife if you bring her to a Taxidermist.