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I hate mixed messages. They`re great.
After four centuries, the semicolon has finally achieved it`s true calling: helping people wink online.
Can we just call it Zealand now? How long has it been? Move on people.
You know that tingly feeling you get when you have a crush on someone? That’s common sense leaving your body.
Shark week is over, but I`m not taking my decorations down.
I`m just like the ghostbusters, except I chase squirrels around my neighborhood with a vacuum cleaner
Mcdonalds Drive thru: Do you want a girl toy or a boy toy? Me: You have those here?!
A jealous woman does better research than the FBI.
That awkward moment when the woman your dancing behind bends over so you can grind it, and you realize she`s just lost an earring and nobody in Starbucks can hear your iPod...
You`ll all be sorry when I figure out how to breathe fire.
No, I did not forget my password. I distinctly remember it being 8 asterisks.
is not rude...I just wasn`t taught to politely pretend to be nice to people I can`t stand.
If you love something, set it free. If it immediately bites your throat and drags you up a tree, you love a leopard and should try to escape.
I entered what I ate for lunch into my calorie counting app and it uninstalled itself.
Being handed a flyer is the offline version of a pop-up ad.