Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Got an awesome watch for my birthday. It was waterproof, shockproof, fireproof, bulletproof, acidproof, childproof & scratchproof. I lost it already.
Yesterday I had to screw in a light bulb . Later, I crossed a road and walked into a bar. My life is a joke.
Men use love to get sex...women use sex to get love...I use coupons to get pizza!
Taco Bell drive-thru should have a “I’m Feeling Lucky” button.
I can almost always tell when dinosaurs in movies aren’t real.
If my body was a car, I`d trade it in for a newer model. Cause everytime I cough or sneeze, my radiator leeks and my exhaust backfires.
Running is the best way to remind yourself how much you love sitting.
Peppermint Schnapps, the mouthwash you can swallow
Keep reaching for the stars but get a better deodorant.
I was just thinking…Then I thought “why?”... So there will be no more thinking today.
I can’t believe that all these “single ladies in my area” want to meet me, must be due to all the “free Ipads” I’ve been winning.
Sometimes I wonder if I could get away with murder, but then I remember I can’t even eat pancakes without getting syrup all over me.
That awkward moment when your trapped in the corner of your shower because the hot water ran out.
It`s not a real hangover until you bring a pillow into the bathroom.
You`re the reason why I wake up every morning... Just kidding, I have to go to work.