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Its a shame I don`t have 5 incomes to go with my 5 personalities.. Damn free loaders
I really hate it when someone else creates something that I haven`t had the chance to think of first...
The sense of success when you’ve had something stuck between your teeth and you manage to free it after 25 mins of tactical tongue pressure.
How come know-it-alls don`t know how annoying they are?
I hope you all have a prosperous New Year ... I may have to borrow money.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man
Unless your kid`s fundraiser is selling booze, I want no part of it.
I was called a sexist today ... I said, I think you`re mistaken ...its pronounced sexy
Working on my 32 point plan to be more spontaneous. Any suggestions?
Don’t expect a “bless you” after the 4th sneeze…get your self together
I don´t know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!
The phrase “Ignore it and it will go away.” does NOT apply to being chased by a dozen cop cars.....trust me on this one.
I’m not always rude. Sometimes I’m sleeping.
I`m just like you ... Only smarter and better looking.
My reaction to stepping in dog sh!t is identical to me logging onto Facebook