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BEST PICK UP LINE: You would probably sleep better tonight if we had sex.
My friends think I never listen to their opinions... like I give a sh*t what they think.
This nude beach would be great!...if I wasn`t the only one participating.
I watch so many crime shows on Tv, that when I turn off the Tv set, I wipe my fingerprints 0ff the remote.
Killing spiders is easy and fulfilling if you imagine them whispering "You look fat in those pants".
The bed is always the comfiest right at the time you are supposed to be getting out of it
For you men who think a woman’s place is in the kitchen, remember… that’s where the knives are kept.
Life is NOT like a box of chocolates. It`s more like a jar of jalapeños. What you do today, can burn your a$$ tomorrow.
Calories: Tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes a little tighter each night.
I hope I can still remember the dance to Thriller when I become a Zombie.
One day I shall rule the World! Until then, I am going to bed. Good Night :D
Nobody pissed me off today... I got to get out more.
Sometimes, when dealing with people, you can`t help but stop and think, "Yup, I`m about to get my first assault charge."
"Based on a true story" means it happened more or less like this, but with ugly people.
I read that India launched a rocket to Mars the other day. That seems like a strange place to put a call center?