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What if Egyptians actually had a written language, then started using emojis, and that’s all that’s left?
My TV volume is always set at "f*ck the neighbors".
Little to no thought was put into this status.
Facebook is cheaper than therapy, twice as effective & you can do it naked.
With all the technology available now, you’d think they’d have found a way to grow apples without those little stickers.
Don`t look at me in that tone of voice...
MAY` contain nudity? Either it does or it doesn`t. DON`T WASTE MY TIME
Just completed my sexual harassment training and I think I`m finally ready to start harassing people.
I love Christmas presents wrapped in bubble wrap... it`s like two gifts in one!!
1) Go to Starbucks 2) Order coffee 3) Tell them your name is Waldo 4) Leave
The two major causes of depression are: a) having a job, and b) not having a job.
Christmas is over. We now return to our regularly scheduled self centered lives already in progress.
Got kicked out of the casino again. Apparently, gold chocolate coins mess up their slot machines or something.
Her: Do you want to run away with me? ME: We won`t actually be running, right?
Smelling another person should be a choice.