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SINGLE GUYS: Nervous about flirting with a woman? Just remember: they`re smart, confident, and aware they don`t need us, so yeah, you should be worried.
One person forgetting to take their medication can really liven up a mundane day at the office.
DATING TIP: never reveal how many cats you have.
Just about the time I started to give a crap, my attitude became constipated......
Facebook is like a fridge. When you`re bored you keep opening and closing it every few minutes to see if there`s anything good in it
Apparently there is no age limit on ignorance.
If you give a man a fish you kinda suck at picking out gifts.
How long have I been working here? ... Ever since they threatened to fire me.
I wish they made bar-stools with seat belts and dual side airbags.
you know what`s funny? Obviously neither do I or I would have posted it.
It makes me sad that the closest I`ll ever get to `hulking out` is splitting my trousers when I bend over.
Took the ice from my ice bucket challenge and put it in my whisky.
A real friend is someone who knows how damn crazy you are... But is still willing to be seen out in public with you.
If anyone knows Phillip tell him I have a bunch of his screwdrivers.
"I can`t wait for New Years to be over!" -my liver