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I’m not here to judge, I’m just pointing out all the mistakes you’re making.
Vodka and denial are cheaper than therapy.
Jealously is something you’re good at when you suck at everything else.
If I`ve learned anything from 50 Shades of Grey, its that women still haven`t figured out you can watch porn at home... for free.
E-Cigs. The great taste of water vapor, the cool look of blowing a flashlight.
Before meeting a hot chick, wish I could talk to the dude who`s sick of her bullsh!t.
Pretty sure autocorrect and Siri talk shit about me behind my back.
Wonder if Jesus gets screwed out of birthday presents just because his birthday is so close to Santas?
In reference to why men can sleep with lots a women and it’s fine, but women can’t sleep with lots of men or else they’re whores. “If a key opens a lot of locks, it’s a master key. But if a lock is opened by a lot of different keys, it’s just a sh!tty lock.”
Can anybody PLEASE tell me where you buy Common Sense?? I know several people that need some!!!
I have to stop saying "How stupid can you be?" I think people are taking it as a challenge.
If you don`t remember her name in the morning, take her to Starbucks.
I always say, your laundry is never completely done, unless you do it in the nude. Which probably explains the strange looks at the laundrymat this afternoon.
I am the type to fart in a crowded train and get just as upset as everyone else.
We think therefore we must be, but are we?