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GF: Does this dress make my a$$ look big? BF: Nope Your A$$ makes the dress look big.
Im thinking about writing a book about my life, I just have to wait for the statue of limitations to expire.
Got a little too much sun today. I knew I should have closed the blinds.
My favorite flavor of ice cream is yes.
When suffering from insomnia I either count sheep or ask my GF how her day was.
Mythbusters is basically my childhood with a much larger explosives budget.
Next time a guy asks for your number, write it down in Roman numerals. If he manages to call you, he`s a keeper.
Don’t get me wrong. I totally hear what you’re saying…I just don’t care.
Can anybody PLEASE tell me where you buy Common Sense?? I know several people that need some!!!
Don’t get me started. I don’t come with brakes.
I am a very very very bad influence ... In a good way.
Yelling "give me back my panties, you pervert" at joggers is a surprisingly effective way of encouraging them to run faster.
So people buy cookie dough and bake it?.... What the hell?
Turns out a At Home DNA Test is not a good baby shower gift.
There is a 3-for-2 sale in my local shoe shop. I almost bought myself a new pair of shoes, but couldn`t decide whether to get an extra left or a right one as part of the offer....