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If you are offended by the things I post on FB you can only imagine the ones I don`t post.
Iām shy at first, but once Iām comfortable with you get ready for some crazy sh!t.
President Obama says his daughters need minimum wage jobs to "learn what it means to work." May I suggest the same for members of Congress?
Sorry, kids. It appears ninjas ate all of our Halloween candy.
I`ll tell you what a woman wants. She wants you to drag her to the bedroom, toss her down, and do the dishes and laundry while she takes a nap.
"Lazy" is a strong word. I prefer to call it selective participation.
Empty your medicine cabinet and put another mirror in there. Scares the hell out of snooping house guests.
Women have closets full of `I have nothing to wear.`
People who say they sleep like a baby usually dont have one
Hugh Hefner dead at age 91. With the amount of Viagra that guy must have been taking, good luck closing that casket lid.
"2, 4, 6, 8!! Ride my face let`s fornicate!!!" And with that, HR banished me from all future employee picnics.
I`m sorry. I know I said hi, but I wasn`t really prepared for any follow-up conversation.
Note: the 5 second rule does not apply to soup.
Candy Crushers keep inboxing me saying that they need "lives" as if I didn`t already know that.
Right now my glass is half empty...Hey Bartender!!!