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If playing Grand Theft Auto makes you violent, why hasn`t 25 years of me playing Madden made me a professional football player?
I sleep better when I`m naked why can`t my boss understand this?!
Ladies, if a man says he will fix it, he will. There is no need to remind him every 6 months about it.
The most terrifying thing a woman can say to me is "notice anything different?"
Sometimes I pretend to be normal. But it gets boring ... so I go back to being me. ;)
Earlier this morning, I was invited to join a XXX facebook group. I was somewhat intrigued until I realized it was a group for guys who like to wear really big shirts.
If you don`t think of 50 different ways to murder your boss every morning on your drive to work you`re probably the boss
It’s strange to think that the sound of nature is the sound of millions of animals desperately trying to get laid.
Every club is a strip club, if you have the money. Every zoo is a petting zoo, if you have the balls.
Always finish your beer. There`s sober kids in Africa.
Is it just me or is waking up at 3am and trying to read a text message like looking directly into the sun?
I’m not positive that having the TV volume on an odd number will destroy the world, but lets not risk it.
You ever notice that the number of extra steps a drunk takes getting home? ...its staggering!
I just went dumpster diving.. and hit the mother load. Tons of dude gear and tools! It smelled of angry white woman.
I just called my boss and told him I have explosive diarrhea. It’s my day off, but I like to keep him informed.