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One good thing about being ugly is that when someone stares at you for too long you automatically know they wanna rob you.
I don`t play sports, the only sport I play is shopping. But there`s a lot of walking involved in that. Running sometimes if there`s a sale.
That awkward moment when your screen freezes on a really embarrassing website
"No comment" - said no woman, ever
So after an hour of playing Paper, Rock, Scissors, we decided to call it a tie. Good game, mirror!
What is the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know, and I don’t care.
Today is National I Don`t Feel Like Doing Sh!t Day. Celebrate accordingly.
Nice try, St. Patrick`s Day, but I don`t need a reason to drink.
Why is it always "I see you drank all the beer today!" instead of, "Oh, honey, that was so sweet of you to help clean out the refrigerator."
I`d take Cap`n Crunch more seriously if his eyebrows weren`t on his hat.
Life is simple. Eat. Sleep. Update Facebook status.
Tonight I’m going to have my favorite drink. It’s called “a lot.”
The problem in general terms is that people suck.
People who cook Hot Pockets in the oven, Where are you getting all this free time?
New Game: Attach a mustache to your TV. Drink every time it lines up with someone`s face.