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Smelling another person should be a choice. Just sayin’
While everyone may not speak the same language, we all know what time McDonald`s stops serving breakfast.
why does that idiot Charlie Sheen keep winning, and a good person like me keeps losing?
Another beautiful morning I wish I was sleeping through.
Sit-ups are my favorite form of exercise because I get to lay down every few seconds.
Coffee : Starter fluid for the morning impaired.
Sometimes I wonder if that kid in the Dreamworks logo has caught the fish yet.
Spinning in circles to get dizzy as a child was my first attempt at getting high.
Don`t be scared of the government shutdown, liquor stores are run by the states.
"I don`t care if you think it sounds gross, that`s what we`re calling it" -Guy who named the sweater.
Remember…it’s only embarrassing if you care what people think.
I think we`ll be friends forever because we`re too lazy to find new friends.
Whatever doesn’t kill me makes me all like, “Whoa! That was close!”
I`m at the age where if someone says "Go big or go home," I`m usually fine with going home.
It`s the little things in life that count, like pills.