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There aren`t enough love songs about the moment you see your luggage appear at baggage claim.
If you think my post are bad, you should see my choice in men.
Ever seen a person so disgusting you hold your breath when you walk by them? Yea I have.
It’s not that I don’t care what you’re saying; I was just thinking about food.
It doesn’t matter what it is. It is automatically cool if it glows in the dark.
Next time I get a bunch of, "likes," on a comment I post on someones status/photo etc.. Im gonna edit my comment and change the whole comment to, "like this status if you would f*ck your father." Just to make anyone else who reads it from then on think ill about the people who liked it. ™
Adding "and sh!t" to the end of a sentence to make it sound cooler and sh!t.
I may not be a veterinarian, but I know a horses a$$ when I meet one.
Not to brag, but I’m pretty good in bed. I don’t snore or steal covers, and I only pee if something startles me.
My kids will be mad at me when they discover it isn’t illegal to talk in the car while I’m driving.
?”Nobody listens to me….” – Yellow traffic light
Yeah I`m married, but get one thing straight,,, I do WHAT I want, WHEN I wanhjkjhgfd,, THIS IS SCOTT`S WIFE, HE HAS TO GO NOW, HE SAYS GOODNIGHT.
If she burns the bacon, she`s no good bro
That awkward moment when you are killing it on Mario Kart & then realize you are looking at the wrong side of the screen.
It`s okay I`ll text myself back.