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I just found out that checking your credit score actually LOWERS your credit rating. Seriously? That`s like every time you look in the mirror, you get a little bit uglier.
Coffee – because most people frown on alcohol first thing in the morning.
Dogs lick each other`s butts to tell each other they like them. Just like politicians
Here`s $30. Drink until I am really good looking, then come and talk to me.
My life is like a romantic comedy except there’s no romance and its just me laughing at my own jokes.
Why do we offer "a word to the wise" when it`s the stupid ones that need the advice?
In a new study women with large a$$es live longer………the men who tell them live distinctively shorter lives.
YOU KNOW WHY!!!!!!!!!!
Why do they call a status a status if it already happened? I mean, shouldnt it be called History?
Job interview tip: repeatedly ask if you`re under oath
Vaginas are like the weather. When it`s wet, it`s time to go inside.
Full disclosure: All my statuses with less than 3 likes were made by my intern.
Step 1 Change your wifi password to blowmefirst. Step 2 Wait for someone to ask for your wifi password.
Why can`t we just change the spelling to fit the way it sounds: Bologna = Bolony Lasagna = lasania knife= nife tsunami = sunami politician = a$$hole
All I want is a little more than I’ll ever get.