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Couldn`t stop thinking about that drought on the west coast while I was watering my driveway today.
I still know what you did last summer........... cos you posted it on facebook!
I don`t like making plans for the day, because then the word "premeditated" gets thrown around in the courtroom.
When my husband gives me shit for taking too long to get ready, I remind him that you never know when you`ll meet the man of your dreams.
What a snow day inside with the kids! My one son thought it would be a good idea to fill up the garage freezer with snow to save for later and my other son had an "accident" and peed all over the floor in the bathroom. Youd think they know better at 13 and 15 years old! I probably should stop letting them drink beer in the house.
When I`m bored I like to call in sick to places I don`t work for. I`m getting written up at Home Depot
My pants are 75% off.
That awkward moment when you finish watching a TV series and you don’t know what to do with your life any more.
Some psychologists say that sleeping naked can help boost a person`s confidence, but nobody in this park seems to appreciate it.
Early reports indicate I`m gonna be drunk all weekend.
The next person that tells me I have no shame…probably knows me pretty darn well.
Deaf people don`t have safe words, they use stop signs.
Sorry I missed your call ... I was to busy singing and dancing to the ringtone
I`m single by choice. Just not my choice.
Wrestling is obviously fake. Why would two people fight over a belt when neither of them are wearing pants?