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I`m actually a pretty normal person when you ignore the faint cries for help coming from my basement..
Does any one know how to lower the difficulty settings on tinder?
The sun isn`t the only thing that rises in the morning...if you know what I mean ;)
I would leave my house a LOT more if I could take the couch with me and wear my pajamas.
The phrase "Don`t take this the wrong way." has a zero percent success rate.
Today, I did it hard, I did it loud, it was wet, and I did it four times in a row. I wish I wasn’t talking about sneezing.
A fun thing to do is take a group picture at a party. Then leave & print it at Walgreens. Buy a frame, go back to party, & place it on the mantel at the party.
If running late counted as exercise I would be the healthiest motherf*cker you ever saw
I`m not saying you`re stupid; you just have bad luck when it comes to thinking.
If pigs really could fly I bet their wings would taste delicious.
What if oxygen makes our voice really deep, and Helium just brings it back to normal?
If you enjoy being the 10,000th person to put your thumb into a hole, then bowling is for you.
I’m so old, I can remember going through a whole day without taking a picture of anything.
has a drinking problem...I can`t afford it
I wake up everyday planning to be productive. Then a voice in my head says, " hahaa, good one!" Then we laugh and laugh and take a nap.