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eBay sellers - just because you`ve dug your suit/dress out of the back of your wardrobe doesn`t make it vintage. #JustOldAndSmelly
If you allow your pets to roam free in our neighborhood, I`m gonna put party hats on em. This is non-negotiable.
I send more time looking for porn than actually watching it.
Sex is great, but.....Have you ever had stuffed crust pizza?!?!
Just tried to parallel park. 5 people are injured, 3 critical, 6 missing. The casualties continue to mount...
I get worried when someone posts a kitten pic with a foreign language, I don`t know if they`re showing a cute kitty pet or their dinner.
Some people have to learn lessons the hard way. Like with a bat. A bat is hard.
Why does Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell insurance. Is there something dirty about insurance we should know about?
Do they have to play movies so loud at the theatre? I litterally have to scream into my phone.
i dont like ling distance relationships so i move the fridge to my room
Hi there beautiful, can I drive you to drink?
Sometimes i wish i was an octopus, so i can slap eight people @ once!
I may not be the smartest guy in the world, or the richest guy in the world, or the best looking guy in the world, but.... Oh, hell. Now I`m depressed.
Yes, I used to "dance like no one is watching"; at least until Google Earth sent me a certificate for ten free lessons.
I`ve just been watching a documentary on marijuana...... I think all documentaries should be watched this way.