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The real danger of running with scissors is that a rock might fall on you.
It`s amazing what you`ll wear in public when you`re not trying to have sex with anyone.
I once found a whip, a mask, a baton and handcuffs in my Mother-in-Law`s draw... who knew she was a superhero. Nice!!!
Gentlemen may not be extinct, but they are definitely endangered
You’d think that with as much time as women spend looking at their ass in the mirror they would be able to reverse into a parking spot.
A lie is just a great story that someone ruined by telling the truth.
Spread happiness by smiling at a stranger today, or flash them your boobs...... Strangers love boobs!
Loneliness is when your sleeve unrolls itself while washing dishes and you try to roll it back up with your face.
Single ladies, stop saying you should just give up & get a cat , if no man wants you , don`t force an innocent cat to live with you..
I am there for you no matter what, anytime, day or night, unless there is something good on TV or I am eating pie
My favorite thing around the holidays is being put into a group message with 200 people reply "Who`s This"
The problem with rich people is I`m not one of them.
Why is it that people who drink energy drinks seem like the people with the least amount of sh!t going on?
Every time I see an obese cop, a small part of me hopes he has to chase me.
How Big is Infinity?