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I think I`m a grown up the same way Dr. Phil is a doctor.
I like the part of the day when food happens.
About to try ordering subway without saying um... Wish me luck!
Ah man... i don`t have any notifications... better go check another computer
And yet another year goes by with People magazine failing to recognize my beauty.
I`m certain that the reason for Wasps, Hornets, and Yellowjackets was to remind grown men that they can still scream like a little girl.
A German boy pushed his brother off a cliff. He then turned to his mother and said "Look Mom! No Hans!"
I want to put a bib on a baby that says "This dumbass put my cape on backwards." lol
Even when I change my mind, it still doesn`t work any better.
It’s not you. It’s my ears. They just make you sound so boring and dull.
Found out the difference between onions and men. I don`t cry when I`m chopping up men.
Based on the number of smoke breaks they take, I’m pretty sure the only reason my co-workers have a job is to pay for their cigarettes.
I really like this new reality show "Neighbor Without Drapes"
I end a sentence with `just saying` because ending with `dumba$$` would be offensive.
He said he liked surprises, but when I showed up late at night dressed as a clown and knocked on his window, it`s all screaming and sh!t.