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i dont normally have a cool facebook status, but when i do, an older relative spoils it with a lame comment.
More tattoo artists really just need to say "No, I`m not doing that."
My brain is giving me the silent treatment
People should be loved. Things should be used. Unfortunately, we have it backwards
I was reading that it takes the average man four minutes to have sex, and he’s asleep eight minutes after that. This sounds very dangerous, because by then most men are driving home.
Can’t wait till I’m old and I can play the ‘fall asleep’ card in awkward situations.
Since you no longer have a calendar I`d like to notify all the Mayans that it has been one year since the end of the world.
So, is Dora 18 yet, or what? Asking for a friend.
Whoever invented the 5 day work week and 2 day weekend can suck my a**!
My friends made fun of me for buying this flamethrower, but at least I don`t have to shovel snow this weekend.
It`s impossible to bring up life insurance with your spouse without it seeming like you plan to have them whacked.
The true trollers are the ones who troll the trolls.
I think stupid people were put on this earth to test my anger management skills.
Bill Gates: A billi a billi a billi JayZ: Half billi half billi half billi Lil Wayne: A milli a milli a milli Me: A dollar a dollar a dollar
Common sense has become so rare it should be classified as a superpower.