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Happiness comes from within. That’s why it feels good to fart.
I`m really wanting to sit and watch a movie with my boyfriend. Can anyone recommend a good boyfriend?
The one good thing about an egotist. They don`t talk about other people.
The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.
Do you ever wonder how many people’s dreams you have been in?
Why aren`t they called A$$teroids instead of hemorrhoids???
If by "help decorate the tree" you mean drinking beer on the couch yelling out everything you`re doing wrong, then yeah, count me in.
Facebook is great! It reminds me to go to the gym and take my birth control so I don`t end up like everyone I went to high school with.
I will be responsible for my actions....when my actions become more responsible.
If I`m in a public bathroom and someone else in that same bathroom is on the phone and states that they are ANYWHERE ELSE, I flush my toilet
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don’t know. Inspirational statuses are hard.
I stopped watching the History Channel because it`s so outdated.
Women.Some men undermine, disrespect and consider them weak,forgeting the countless spanks they got from their mothers
Me: I`m hungry. Fridge: I don`t give a sh*t. Cabinet: B*tch, don`t look at me. Freezer: Lol, you like ice? :-)
Alice in Wonderland taught me to drink things that I`m unsure of