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Actually, The quickest way to fix that annoying noise in your car is ... Just open the door and push her out.
There is a method to my madness....and as soon as I figure out what the hell it is, I’m gonna be friggin’ unstoppable.....
My wife and I toss a coin to settle arguments; heads she wins, tails I apologise.
People ask me what my secret is to losing weight and I tell them not having money to buy food
Can`t find your children? Try turning off the wifi. They appear suddenly.
My next pet is going to be named "Peeve."
The best thing about humans is that many of the richest and most prosperous among us collect bottles of rotten grape juice.
If my company really wanted us to move during a fire drill, they`d lose the alarm and just announce that there`s free food by the stairs.
If I had three wishes, I`d use one for boobs. Because I`m pretty sure I could get everything else that I wanted if I had boobs.
You know you have anger-management issues when you use an entire can of fly spray at point blank range to kill the tinest of moths...
Finding a date on the internet is so much easier than real life because how are they supposed to know that`s not your Ferrari?
We should remove the warning labels from everything and let the stupidity problem take care of itself.
Wtf neighbor I waved to you last week
I don`t think the guy below me understands how this works.
Fun Things to do : Commenting “not your best” on everybody’s selfies.