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Look, all I`m saying is, you never see Nikki Manaj and E.T. in the same place at the same time.
The worst thing about that guy who posts non-stop gym updates is that all that exercise is gonna make him live longer.
Seeing a spider isn`t a problem. It becomes a problem when the spider disappears.
If one door closes & another door opens, you’re probably in prison.
When I see a man with long fingernails, my first thought is wizard. My second thought is virgin wizard.
a friend will calm you down when you`re angry a best friend will run beside you with a baseball bat shouting, "somebody`s gonna get it!"
These kids next door to me need to quit yelling. I`m about to wake up their mom and send her back over there.
Even this posting will offend some people, hopefully.
Heat makes things expand. So I don`t have a weight problem...I`m just HOT.
Winter is filled with men trying to figure out the least feminine way to apply chapstick.
I can`t afford a therapist so i bought a mood ring
Whenever you hear the phrase "Oh no he didn`t" you can rest assured that he did.
Apparently, "Giant ones" is not the appropriate response to the question, "What are the steps you would take in the event of an emergency?"
i wasnt tht drunk u was holding a ballon thinking it was a comdom
My "Kiss me, I`m Irish" shirt only seems to be working on my dog.