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Beer is good, but beers are better.
I like to respond to statuses with .. WOW, Someone needs a Happy Meal.
I wash once and dry 3-4 times, depending on how much I want to delay folding my clothes.
I am one of those people who presses every button in the elevator when I`m getting out =]
If a Jehovah`s Witness dies and goes to heaven...does God hide behind the pearly gates and pretend he`s not in?
The NFL has hired their first female referee ... She will be throwing flags for penalties the teams committed 5 years ago.
The more I drink the better my Idea`s seem to get.
If you put a "Student Driver" sign on top of your car, Nobody will ever suspect you of drunk driving.
I have a drinking problem. When I tilt my head back to take a drink, I can’t see my computer screen.
Some people wonder why I never like or comment on their posts. It’s because I unfollowed you a long time ago.
A shake for breakfast. A shake for lunch. A sensible dinner. SEVENTY FIVE COOKIES AT 12:34AM
I prefer to think outside the box because things can get very dark inside it.
The person before me got $0.57 worth of gas. My day doesn`t seem so bad now.
Moral compass? Is there an app for that?
I just did a weeks worth of cardio after I walked into a spider`s web.