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I cant believe I saw a woman wearing slippers in church today! I almost dropped my beer.
I wish people would consult me before trying to insult me, because I could help them come up with a much better one.
Normal trees probably look at Christmas trees all dolled up and think .. "Whore"
Some of you are so dumb, I don`t even know how you found the internet.
Ever met a boring and stable girl who was good in bed? Exactly.
Hi, we`re a group of teens who solve mysteries! We wanna be taken seriously so we wrote a theme song about how we can`t ever find our dog.
This town is about as exciting as watching an M&M melt in the sun.
My sister says god`s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers, so I bought her a vibrator because she`s obviously never had an orgasm.
buying an old Mercedes Benz so that people may think you have been rich all along
I`m gonna hang a Batman costume in my closet just to screw with myself when I get Alzheimer`s.
In retrospect, I suppose "harder" wasn`t the best choice of a safe word.
"User Friendly" is just another way of saying stupid.......
Don`t refer to them as voices in your head. Do as the professionals and call them your `team of writers`
"I need to talk to you” is the one sentence that has the power to make you remember every bad thing you’ve ever done in your life.
Hold on I`m about to count my money. Alright I`m done.