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So after an hour of playing Paper, Rock, Scissors, we decided to call it a tie. Good game, mirror!
My worst fear is seeing one of my statuses marked as "exhibit A"
What do you mean I didn’t win, I ate more wet t-shirts than anyone else.
Do crabs think we walk sideways?
"Size DOES matter", I whisper to my double stuffed Oreos.
As a kid, my parents told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called “Identity Theft”.
Facebook has suggested that I POKE you.
Did you know that running for just 10 minutes a day raises your risk of posting inspirational quotes by 63%?
If I procrastinated any harder right now, it would have to involve time travel.
Dear Stomach: You`re bored, not hungry. Shut up.
"Mounting debt" sounds way sexier than it is.
The best person to get thrown in jail with would have to be the Kool-Aid Man.
It would be great if there was an app that deletes your phone number from other people`s phones.
I`ve just finished doing my hair, want to come over and mess it all up?
First thing I do when I realize I’m lost…turn the radio down.