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wants to remind you this Halloween, that as a general rule, don`t solve riddles that open portals to Hell.
(For women only) Wants to go on the Maury Povich show and hear, "You are NOT the mother!"
I hate it when a website greets me with a pop-up window. It just feels like you should say hi first, maybe buy me a drink.
Before you decide to spend less time on social media... make sure you go to every social media website and tell everyone.
My kids refuses to play with the Ouija Board anymore because every time we play, it spells out CLEAN YOUR ROOM.
You know it`s a good night when you wake up with gum in your bellybutton.
Ladies, how do I work my man boobs and get out of a ticket? Quick, she`s coming.
Call me faithless, but I just can`t believe three guys would travel that far on camels to throw a baby shower.
I`d be vegetarian ... if bacon grew on trees.
Just a friendly reminder, there are a minimum of three spiders in your room at all times. Goodnight...
When someone yells stop, I don`t know if it`s in the name of love, it`s hammer time, or if I should collaborate and listen.
The object of golf is to play the least amount of golf.
What`s cardio, and can I eat it?
Wow....turns out I`m NOT a Ninja. That really hurt.
Please ignore this status, I am standing alone and I don`t want to seem like a total loner, so I am making it look like I am texting