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There’s a special place in Hell for people who call to see if you got their email!
If you`re single and you know it hug your cat!
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
I hate it when I`m singing a song and the artist keeps messing up the words.
I sure do feel a lot more attractive at Walmart than I do at the gym.
Send prayers. Laura on Facebook didn`t realize she was out of syrup until AFTER the pancakes were made! It`s causing quite a stir...
I just bought an answering machine! What should I ask it?
Yes, I talk to myself...Yes, I answer myself and Yes, I argue with myself....and the makeup sex is awesome.
I`ve been hiding from exercise ... I`m in the fitness protection program.
Dishes are like boyfriends. My roommate should really stop doing mine
An egg salad is really just a chicken salad that is really underdone.
i`m my own therapist...which explains so much.
Im so lazy today, I am going to watch fast and furious in slow motion.
Thanksgiving is a great time to test the boundaries of how drunk you can get before your family members notice.
I want my children to have all the things I never had so then I can move in with them.