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I think before we vote we should get the politicians drunk. That way they would speak what`s REALLY on their minds.
If I had a dollar for every girl that told me I was unattractive, they’d eventually find me attractive.
Seems like everyone is either trying to pretend they have the life they want, or escape the life they have.
Wow!!! Thank you guy on Facebook I went to high school with and haven`t spoken to in 14 years, you really changed my mind about this upcoming election....
My wife says "YOU`RE DRUNK!" like it is a bad thing.
Autocorrect is a great feature, but it can also be your worst enema.
It must be annoying for nudists when they have to clean their glasses
If Apple made a car, would it have windows?
is spending my children´s inheritance.
Is somebody not editing what I´m saying here???
When I become famous I`m not going to tell anyone.
You can run from your problems. Unless your problem is a cheetah.
Afraid my muffin top is desiring to become a pound cake.
I start every morning with a simple affirmation: I will not murder anyone today.
You have 600 friends on Facebook but you have to take your own picture of yourself for your profile photo.