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Lets face it we have all tried to get something done before the microwave timer goes off.
My fantasy is having two men at once. One cooking. One cleaning.
But in my most troublesome times, I looked down and saw only one set of footprints. I asked the Lord why, and He replied that sand people ride single file to hide their numbers.
Perhaps your whole purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others
The existence of the `snooze` button tells you everything you ever need to know about the human race.
So far, I am 100% at believing what happened next on Facebook links.
Don`t put off for tomorrow what you can do today, because if you enjoy it today you can do it again tomorrow.
I`ve been working with this alcohol free program for like six months and it`s really taken a toll on me ... I mean, I`m broke and as far as I`m concerned, they can buy their own alcohol.
Story of my life : 1. i wake up .... 2. i go to school.... 3. i see a girl .... 4. i run to her and kiss her.... Actually, the right order is 2,3,4,1 ..
LOQ "Laugh Out Quietly" because LOL is giving me a headache
If you want to have fun with your kids, tell them the teacher called, then ask if there is something they need to tell you.
I just spent ten minutes waving back to a guy in a storefront window before I realized he was just cleaning the glass.
Everyone is beautiful in their own way, your way just happens to be in the dark.
I hate people who take drugs ... Customs for example.
Fun thing to do #48: Spice up your food delivery order by ending the call with "And NO cops!"