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My resolution last year was to learn Spanish, and that only lasted about dos weekos.
Sometimes my neighbors love my music so much that they invite the police to listen.
It`s like my kids don`t even believe how cool I was in the 80s.
Cant imagine the look on Obamas face when he saw `Olympus Has Fallen`..His next quote would have been.."No more Taiwans in the secret Elevetor office"
No one needs a vacation from me more than me.
I sent that "Ancestry " site some information on my family tree. They sent me back a packet of seeds and suggested that I just start over
A recent survey has shown that 50% of all newlyweds want to try anal sex. Or to put it another way, 100% of grooms.
My favorite part about your rant on how much you hate social media sites was when you posted it from a social media site.
That first kiss in the morning is so special, and the dog enjoys it too.
Men are usually too focused on the cleavage in the shirt to notice the crazy in the eyes.
Give a man a beer and he wastes an hour, teach him how to brew, and he wastes a lifetime.
Tips for Guys on Valentine`s Day: Tell your girl you already got something and make her guess. She`ll automatically list things she wants.
If women kept their feelings to themselves would they explode? Guess we`ll never know.
It’s sad how Wile E. Coyote is remembered for his crappy ACME gadgets, and not for his brilliantly realistic paintings of tunnels.
I`ll sell my broken watch when the time is right.