Daily Silly Status

Life rarely hands me anything. Am I in the wrong line?

HardCoreStrategy 22 hours ago 6 3? Guys are? in a cafe. The first guy says "I?? have the smallest arm in the? world." The second guy says I have the?? smallest head in? the world." The third guy says I have the smallest d^ck in the world. They all? go to? the Guinness Book of World records. The? first? guy comes back and says I really? have the smallest arm in the world. The seconds guy? returns and? says? I have the smallest head in the world. The third guy comes back? and angrily?? says WHO? T

The length of your "About me" section on Facebook is directly proportional to how annoying you are in real life.

Even if girls came with instructions, men would never read them.

Few things in life are more pleasurable than turning off the lights in a public bathroom while people are still inside

they say winning doesnt matter then why they had kept scores

I take so many things with a grain of salt that I`m surprised I don`t have high blood pressure.

What do people mean "get ready for bed"? I am ALWAYS ready for bed.

My neighbor`s facebook movie is just a montage of me caught on surveillance video, stealing his newspaper every morning.

I told everybody at work that I`ve got 18 cats just to make sure none of them ever want to come over for anything.

If my jokes offend you: 1. I’m sorry. 2. It won’t happen again. 3. 1 & 2 are lies. 4. You’re a wussy.

What am I doing with the rest of my life? I don`t even know what I`m doing with the rest of this post...

Day Light savings this weekend is pissing me off, we will lose a hour we will never get back...........wait...thinkin`.....I guess we do....carry on...

U have 10 fish, 5 drown, 3 come back to life. how many fish do you have?? stop counting smart one fish can`t drown

A girl who lives hundreds of miles away texting you “I’m drunk” is like a lasagna texting you from Italy saying “I’m delicious”