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They say love is more important than money. I`d like to see them go and try to pay their bills with a hug.
Exercise... the poor person`s plastic surgery
Sometimes getting unfriended on Facebook is magical....really....it`s like the trash took itself out.
How am I supposed to make great life choices when I still use my fingers to count and sing the whole alphabet to see what letter comes next?
Think before you yell at your kids. They are the ones who might have to bring you toilet paper in 20 minutes.
Remember, condoms prevent minivans.
Working from home and HR already cited me for sexual misconduct.
Everyone knows spray tans and Tang come from the same stem cells as Cheetos, so why does Wikipedia keep deleting my edits?
There`s a word for people like you and that word is "leave."
I hate it when I get too drunk and just kidding I never hate getting drunk!
Think about how much more stressful life’s most stressful moments would be if accompanied by the running-out-of-time music in Mario Bros.
Once you have to start paying a babysitter every time you go out, you realize most friendships aren`t worth it.
Everyone, please... a moment of silence for all my married friends who have a shared Facebook account.
I`m the type of person who will throw away the manual and ponder for 3 hours "where the hell do I start"
When ever I think about the past...It brings back so many memories