Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Couldn`t stop thinking about that drought on the west coast while I was watering my driveway today.
Wow!!, What a day..I volunteered at a soup kitchen, mowed my lawn, went to 2 Birthday parties, ran 6 miles, then told a bunch of lies on Facebook.
Yes, I know why you pulled me over. I didn`t see you in your little hiding spot over there, so I couldn`t slow down in time.
Being a man in biblical times must’ve been hard. You’re busy then your wife says, “Someone parted the Red Sea & you’re here watching sheep.”
Don’t waste electricity. How would you like it if I turned you on and walked away?
The difference between cheating on your wife and cheating on your taxes is if you tell the truth, the IRS still wants to f*ck you.
You don`t have to be crazy to work here ... We`ll train you.
Exercise makes you look and feel better naked ... But, so does Tequila
I did a half hour on the treadmill each day last week. This week, I`m up to 1 hour a day. I`m slowly building up to actually turning it on some time in the future.
Make yourself indispensable at work by hiding everything.
Finally in bed. No better time to start thinking about every possible thing that has or ever could happen.
I inherited my dad`s sense of humor. He`s not funny either.
Some people say I`m a dreamer, others say, “If you fall asleep at work again you`re fired"
Have you ever noticed that half way through the ColonialPenn insurance commercial, Alex Trebek tries to pull a Jedi-Mind-Trick on us.... "This is the insurance you are looking for." (I didn`t get enough sleep last night.)
A friend like you is worth a million dollars. So, if you don’t mind…can I sell you?