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Going to drink straight from the carton because I`m a badass!
The thing about smart mother f*ckers is... They sound like crazy mother f*ckers to dumb mother f*ckers!
I see your arguement contains a lot of swear words, you must really know what you`re talking about
I flunked anger management class.
Thou shall not promote Christmas until after Thanksgiving.
Friends with benefits? What, like you can provide dental insurance?
Never believe a person who claims is telling the truth while holding a pack of beers in both their hands
This is probably the best idea I`ve had yet! -me, right before I do something stupid
I thought eyelashes were meant to keep stuff out of your eye but half the time there is anything in my eye its an eyelash!
Hell hath no fury like a woman who just said "seriously?" after a comment you made during an argument.
Family vacations: When you pay a lot of money to yell at your kids in exotic destinations, preferably on a balcony with an ocean view.
"There`s more than one way to skin a cat." -Chinese restaurant proverb
Got a new Juicer. Going to Juice all these delicious organic vegetables I got ... then add Vodka ... Don`t judge...
I bought the world`s worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it`s terrible.
My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental issues