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“I promise”, “I am sorry”, and “I love you” all have eight letters, but then again, so does “bullshit”.
I`m more confused than a homeless person on house arrest.
Haters gonna hate, your honor
The police never think its as funny as I do.
Sometimes I think my job is actually a hidden-camera game show where they see how much absurd bullsh!t I`ll put up with before I catch on.
There is no harm in imitating a porn movie. But stopping in between because you are imitating the buffering part (!), is unacceptable.
These old people at the bus stop really suck at paintball.
What if plants could talk but they are still in shock from seeing the dinosaurs?
Hey, does anyone know which side you`re supposed to wear your fanny pack on? I want to really nail this job interview tomorrow.
Why do people say "nice to meet you" before I`ve even said anything? How do you know it`s nice to meet me? I`m an a$$hole.
Life is basically one long, terrible date with yourself.
I`m sending a whole bunch of emails to random Nigerians letting them know they`ve won the Canadian lottery.
You post all of your drama on Facebook. Then get upset when people judge you? You must be a special kind of stupid.
Getting older is pretty much just paying bills and finally understanding why killers in horror flicks target teenagers.
Imagine if trees gave off WiFi signals, We would be planting so many trees. And we`d probably save the planet too! Too bad they only produce the oxygen we breath :/