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Turns out that my get rich painfully slow scheme isn`t working out either.
Call me crazy, but I don`t think I really need to be in this mental institution.
Only 2 phrases can change a woman’s mood: ”I Love You” and ”50% Off”.
When I`m in a good mood I act like I`m in a bad mood so nobody approaches me and ruins my good mood.
I f*cking hate you. Hope that clears things up.
How did Mexico keep enough people from crossing the border to field a full soccer team?
you know that awkward moment when you think someone`s talking to you so you reply to them and then they look over at you with that disgusted facial expression that says "wtf ..no"
I can eat anything in the house unless it was specifically bought for my wife but the only way to know it`s for her is to eat it. Apparently
I just blew all my party money on bills again
I just found out that his full name is actually, Vehicle Identification Number Diesel.
I woke up praying McDonald`s would still be serving breakfast but I just missed it by 6 hours.
What doesn`t kill you, makes you stronger... except for lions, lions will definitely kill you.
I`m going crazy! Get in, you`re riding shotgun!
I’m pretty sure I have atleast one anscestor who would be pretty pissed to find out that helicopters exist and I can’t fly one.
You know how we smack your household appliances when they`re malfunctioning and it makes them work? I wish you could do that with people.