Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If anyone tells you that you drink to much on the weekends. Stop talking to them...you don`t need that kind of negativity in your life
McDonald’s steps 1) Get really excited about it 2) Eat it 3) Regret eating it 4) Wish you were dead 5) Repeat in a few months
Me: spends 12 hours comparing teams before completing NCAA bracket, loses $50. GF: Spends 5 minutes picking teams with "cute" mascot names, wins $1000.
Is it wrong to drop off drunks at houses that aren`t theirs?
The only thing that makes me happy about the launch of a new model cell phone is that I can finally afford the previous model.
I`m so hot I stalk myself ;)
Getting back with your ex is pretty much the same as taking a shower, getting out, and putting back on the same old dirty underwear.
It`s almost 2014, I expect a toaster that pops the bread up in a less terrifying way.
Shark week is over, but I`m not taking my decorations down.
It`s so frustrating when your hitman doesn`t answer the phone after you`ve made amends with someone
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and then six months later you have to do it all over again.
Don`t just be one of those people who stares at their phone or computer twelve hours a day. It`s important to also watch some TV.
Getting old sucks. I use to wake up feeling like a million bucks. Now I feel more like a bounced check.
Farts are just ghosts of things that we ate. ;D
Calories? I think you mean delicious points!