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I hate it when people need constant re-assurance. You know what I mean?
I don’t understand how a cemetery can raise its funeral prices and blame it on the cost of living.
I had four E`s and LSD last night. Such an awful start to a game of scrabble!!
If you need some help at Home Depot and are being ignored, get on one of their step ladders
Find someone you`re good at.
One time I threw a boomerang and lost it, now I live in constant fear.
My version of flirting is looking at someone attractive multiple times while hoping they are more brave than I am.
I must have a great butt because every time I finish talking with someone and start to walk away, I hear them whisper "What an a$$."
If you like to make love while listening to music, always choose a live album. ..That way you`ll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes. :)
Teens, you should not being getting drunk. You`re annoying enough as it is
Roses are red, so is my wine. Refill my glass and I`ll be just fine.
My doctor said I need to workout with dumb-bells. Would any of you like to go jogging with me?
Fun Game: Walk down a hallway with both arms outstretched to the walls while shouting, "Hug me or turn around!!!"
Tried to borrow some bread from my Indian neighbour, but he said he had naan....
The cop said it was an outstanding warrant, dad! And you said I`d never amount to anything...