Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I have this condition that prevents me from going on a diet. I get hungry.
Big shout out to all the spiders not building their webs at face level.
I`m not sure what my spirit animal is, but I`m sure it has Rabies.
It takes a brave man to admit when his wife is wrong .
Yesterday I had to screw in a light bulb . Later, I crossed a road and walked into a bar. My life is a joke.
When a couple asks me for directions,I know that the wife is forcing the guy to ask.That`s why I give them wrong ones to teach her a lesson.
I remember when going viral meant having to tell several people they better get tested.
If you think someone is staring at you: 1. Yawn 2. If they yawn, they were staring.
The guy who used to proofread Hitler`s speeches was the first grammar Nazi.
Back in my day it was called daydreaming…not ADHD.
My diet could best be described as, "unchaperoned child at a birthday party."
Can I apologize in advance for basically everything I will ever do???
The plural of beer is beer, which is very convenient when you are explaining to your wife why you were late coming home from work.
Sometimes, when my husband has a day off, I like to bring the TV remote with me to work.
New Game: Attach a mustache to your TV. Drink every time it lines up with someone`s face.