Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don’t go to bars for the same reason I don’t grocery shop when I’m hungry. I always come home with things I didn’t need.
So vegetarians eat vegetables... I think I`m going to play it safe and avoid humanitarians.
"This is the ride that killed Jimmy." - me in a long line, loudly, at amusement parks
How do I like my eggs? ... Umm in a cake.
Is it ok to take a personal day if none of your pants fit? Asking for a friend.
When I see a man with long fingernails, my first thought is wizard. My second thought is virgin wizard.
Personality is 40% genetics, 40% upbringing, and 20% the last movie you watched.
I dreamt I was you..I hated myself. Luckily I woke up..woah that was close.
I`d be super embarrassed if people saw my google history but only because its all words I should really know how to spell by now
Sadly, the days of people using proper English are went.
I was at a nice restaurant tonight and accidentally left out a loud fart. 4 people turned around. For a minute, I thought I was on "The Voice".
Just when I think I`m over my insomnia the car behind me honks.
My Status updates are so great people hit the like button twice
What doesn`t kill you, will hopefully try again
Women say all men are dogs, but fail to realize that dogs are the most loyal creatures in the world if you treat them right.