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If you got up this morning and ran straight to fb i am 100% POSITIVE its because you missed me.
Hey, Dude who flips me off for honking at him in the parking lot, your groceries are on top of your car.
They’re called scents, not flavors, I should not able to taste your perfume or cologne.
Your license plate should be your phone number... So when you drive like a dumbass, I can let you know about it.
I imagine a world where whining on Facebook is illegal.
loves driving down the road and just waving at random people like you know them!:D
Sorry I just saw your text from last night, are you guys still at the restaurant
They said I couldn`t drink or operate machinery on my medication. But here I am…Driving a forklift…Sipping a beer…Lifting up my boss`s car…
The number of lies told by men would decrease significantly if women stopped asking questions
Is it just me or do mirrors look really sexy?
There`s a big difference between a mechanic and a surgeon when they work on a tranny.
Some moments you remember all your life. Reading this, unfortunately, is not one of those moments.
"That looks interesting. I think I`ll eat it." - Sharks and Toddlers
When someone calls you a bitch just say a bitch is a dog, a dog barks, bark is on trees, trees are nature and nature is beautiful. thanks for the compliment ;)
To avoid conversations at work, always walk with purpose and a toilet plunger.