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One person forgetting to take their medication can really liven up a mundane day at the office.
Remember if you ask me to put sun lotion on your back, I am definitely drawing something dirty while I`m back there.
I love you in a bipolar way because I hate you.
"I have no idea. Why don`t you just Google it?" —My answer to just about every question I`m ever asked
Roses are red, violets are blue, vodka costs less than a dinner for two.
I miss newspapers. It`s weird hitting a dog on the nose with an iPad.
Soup of the day: Tequila.
An empty web browsing history is a sure sign of guilt.
When I was a kid, I told my parents I was going to make something of myself. I think they are getting impatient.
Juvenile humor My friend David lost his ID. We just call him Dav now. Here`s your sign..................
"We attack at dawn!" - Hangovers
Doing some laundry and hot single socks in my dryer are looking for a mate.
If I had a nickel for every time I`ve misplaced my keys, there`d be a jarful of money I would also have to look for
Facebook - the place where you can whine and get likes for it...
I think my iPhone is broken. I pressed the home button and I’m still at work.