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Girls who say "alot of guys are after me" should keep in mind that cheap things always attract many customers.
Man, this Trojan gum I bought tastes terrible ... Blows amazing bubbles though
You say peeping tom. I say highly active member of the neighborhood watch.
Ever work out and think "wow I really needed that"? That`s how I feel about the chocolate chip cookie I just ate.
If you cry loudly enough at a Walmart everyone will just assume you work there.
I`m a bitch ... What`s your excuse?
Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
Dont let facebook fool you we aint friends
Hey all you parents who recently named your kid Jax, We get it you`re unoriginal and watch SOA ... Hold on my daughter Grey`s Anatomy is crying.
There`s a lot of perks being a single parent, for one no witnesses.
The only cat like reflex I possess is turning and staring at the wall when you talk to me.
Sometimes it takes me a full 8 hours to get nothing done.
Is your family tree a cactus? Because everyone on it is a prick.
I`ve given up on giving up.
It’s a holiday. You know what that means… Ten million status updates saying the exact same thing. Get ready.