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I have a feeling my check liver light will come on this weekend
Checked myself for ticks ... but I didn`t hear anything.
The real reason I`m not a superhero.... Pockets, I need my pockets.
Better ingredients. Better pizza. Horrible acting. Papa Johns.
I know they didn`t ask for it, but I sent a stool sample in with my tax returns.
Somebody needs to invent a voice-activated refrigerator on wheels.
Learned today that it`s about 12 min after realizing there`s no TP in the stall that you ask yourself how important your socks really are.
I wonder if dogs ever wake up in the morning and think "dear god please don`t take me jogging with you today"?
There are days when everything goes perfectly. . I wonder what those are like?
Hi there beautiful, can I drive you to drink?
If running late counted as exercise I would be the healthiest motherf*cker you ever saw
People don`t call each other jive ass turkey enough nowadays.
I just read that ciggarettes cause rectal cancer, I should me fine, I was going to put them in my mouth anyway..
I wish "You idiot" was an appropriate way to end a work email.
My husband told me he needed more space ... So I locked him outside.