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If I’ve offended you, please accept my apology. Then smack yourself in the face for getting offended by something on the Internet.
Next time you order coffee at Starbucks tell them your name is Bueller and then leave the store.
I`ll show up at the gym when they put in a drive-thru.
I was enjoying our conversation, but then I stopped talking and the whole thing got really boring.
I Don’t answer text messages right when I get them so I don’t seem desperate. Then, I forget about them and never respond.
I`m awkward when people compliment me. "Nice hair" "Thanks, I grew it myself"
On a scale of 1 to "Me".. how smart are you?
Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face...
Billion dollar idea: A phone that charges using body fat!
I`ll never fly Virgin Airlines. Why would anyone want to fly an airline that doesn`t go all the way.
After 3 "it`s complicated" statuses, Facebook should just default to "Unstable"
Don`t you just love it when you see someone who is photogenic, looks perfect in every picture but then when you see them in person you`re like EURGH God Damn! What happened to you in the last 24h!
Right now a FedEx driver is dropkicking your Christmas gift onto someone’s front porch.
My husband`s wife is freakin` awesome!
Just spent a week building a time machine. That’s seven days of my life I’m going to get back.