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We are so fortunate not to live in China, they have to hide their posts in cookies.
I`m not really your friend until I start insulting you on a daily basis.
Is it just me, or do mirrors look really sexy?
Ever seen a person so disgusting you hold your breath when you walk by them? Yea I have.
Knife > gun because if I pull a knife, you don`t know what I`m gonna do. Stab you? Open a letter? Or am I gonna frost a cake? It`s a mystery
I never sign anything until I pretend to read it first..
Quick question, ladies: If you shave your eyebrows off and then draw them back on, what the heck are you doing?
Sometimes it`s fun to make fun of yourself. Almost as fun as it is to make fun of others.
Do whatever you want, and if it`s something you`re going to regret in the morning, sleep late.
So can we just skip to summer now?
Why would I dance like nobody`s watching? People need to see this.
When I wake up at night, I reach out to you, I love you not for what you look like, I love you for what you have inside - Me to my fridge
I tried to give a cute waitress my phone number by writing it on the credit card receipt but accidentally tipped her 9 billion dollars.
I`ll be back in five minutes. If I`m not, read this again :D
Baby Polar Bear: Mommy, am I really a Polar Bear? Mother: Of course you are. Why? Baby Polar Bear: `Cause I`m fukcing freezing!"