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Laugh now, but at the rate they are reproducing, the people of Walmart may one day take over the world
I like surprises. Not the `finger in my a$$ without permission` kind, but flowers are always nice.
I often worry about the safety of my children ... Especially the one who is talking back right now.
Remember that there’s always someone cooler, smarter, stronger or sexier than you. That would be me.
TEIAM - problem solved
"You CAN even."- white girl life coach
I`ve been eating a lot of extra calories since daylight savings to make up for that hour of eating I missed.
The downside of dating intelligent women is having to Google what they call you when it ends badly
One small step for man one giant step for a really small man
When I`m home alone and I walk into the basement, I start talking out loud about all the karate I know.
I want to lose weight, but I don`t want to get caught up in one of those "Eat right and exercise" scams.
Secret Web Cam Test: Please nod your head yes if you can read this.
I`ll never understand women. They hate when you ask their age, but get mad if you forget their birthday.
I just put Santa hats on all my Halloween decorations.
I think I’m going to take a hot shower. It’s like a normal shower, but with me in it…