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Any psycho girls wanna hang out? Just text me like 5000 times and let me know.
One of the most important things in life is perserverance. Hang on...perseveren...no, perserveer...pesever… oh, never mind.....
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.
If every social website was set up to look like a spreadsheet, pretending to work would be so much easier for me.
Why do they waste so much money on all the checkout lanes at Walmart, when they only have two of them open at any given time.
If Shrek can find love, so can you. What I`m trying to say is, you look like Shrek
What`s it called when it`s 9:20am and you can`t wait for dinner? Oh, it`s called fat. Nevermind.
Hoodie Footie Pajamas from Pajamagram; because nothing tells a girl you love her like giving her something to cover up her body from head to toe before she gets in your bed.
When I woke up this morning everything in my house had been stolen and replaced with exact replicas... WEIRD..
AT this stage in my life an ALL NIGHTER JUST means I didn`t have to get up and pee....
This woman just stared at the beer in my cup holder, like she`s never seen a cup holder on a grocery cart before.
I have no time or patience for games in my relationships. Unless by “games” you’re referring to naked Twister. I can make time for that.
The world would be a cleaner place if we gave blind people brooms instead of canes...
Note to Self: These Note to Selves don’t work.
Today I caught myself smiling… I was thinking of you… Don’t flatter yourself though, it was because you had a booger in your nose the last time I saw you.