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That awkward moment when You accidentally hit the LIKE button During Facebook stalking.
Talked to someone in person today....what a pain in the a$$ that was!
My advice for pretty much anything that`s broken is "did you try and jiggle it?".
Next time a stranger talks to me when I`m alone, I will look at them shocked and whisper quietly...."You can see me???"
Never mistake my silence for weakness. No one plans a murder out loud.
Just saw 2 homeless guys hitting eachother with cardboard... PILLOW FIGHT!
I am not sure why a guy getting trapped in a vagina sculpture is big news...men have been trapped by vaginas for many years.
Eventually, the entire written English language will be taken over by emoticons. Teenage girls will bring us back to Egyptian hieroglyphics.
After joining Facebook, my TV became radio.
Currently under the influence of cold and flu medicine...my actions can not be held against me!
I am hungry 25 hours a day
If they were really trying to prepare high school kids for “real life” they would offer a class called “working with a$$holes”
Just once, I would like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear... "Monday has been canceled, go back to sleep."
You know how sometimes as you fall asleep your whole body jolts you awake? That`s a ghost finishing sex with you.
I must have drank more than I thought last weekend...there`s an entire hour that I don`t remember!