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I`m pretty sure all dogs can smell drugs. It`s just that most of them aren`t snitches.
My family is missing that gene that tells you when trash cans are full.
Of course everyone seems sexy in a nightclub. There`s liquor and you can`t hear them.
Home is where you can say anything you want, because nobody listens to you anyway.
My favorite part of the movie The Notebook is where I turned it off and watched Terminator 2 instead.
My short-term memory is my ONLY problem..... Well, that, and my short-term memory
Guys...dont mess up and buy her the wrong brand of vacuum cleaner for Valentines Day this year. Spend a little extra for a really good one ... Just tring to help.
You trust me holding your child? Do you know how many iPhone screens I’ve cracked?
Would you like to save money on your car insurance? Walk ... Just sayin
The amount of alcohol I would need to sleep with you, would actually kill me
I`m going crazy! Get in, you`re riding shotgun!
I like how Reese`s come with two peanut butter cups in the package. That way I can eat one now and then the other one right afterwards.
I like to walk up to strangers and ask, "Would you take a photo of me?" If they say yes I hand them a photo of me and walk away.
If you don’t like my sense of humor please tell me… so I can laugh at you!
I`m good at counting cards. I keep ending up with 52.