Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The human soul weights 1.2 lbs. I know this because I weighed myself before and after I got to work.
Yes I`m still bitter about my name not being mentioned in "Mambo No. 5"
I never forget a breast, I mean face. I never forget a face.
Was asked what I look for in a relationship. Apparently, "A way out" wasn`t the right answer...
The only time I proof read is to see how much alcohol comes in a bottle.
The ultimate home security system is having shitty stuff.
I slept on the sofa last night which is weird because I`m not even married.
My dad always used to say, "The sky`s the limit!" Which is probably why he got fired from his job at NASA.
Haters gunna hate,potatoes gunna patate!!
If you don’t count any of my failures, I’m quite successful.
The decline of civilization started when they stopped putting toys in boxes of cereal.
My son said he went potty and I asked if it was number one or number two. He said number 7,,, and now I`m terrified to go into the bathroom.
Does running away from your problems count as exercising? If it is, then I`m one hell of a fitness freak
From now on when I accept a friend request I`ll just write on their wall: You belong to me now.
Calories? I think you mean delicious points!