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What´s the difference between light and hard? You can go to bed with a light on.
To be truthful,,, I have never unrolled a sleeping bag and been able to roll it back up any smaller than the size of a garage.
Your outfit says you work in an office, but your shoes say it might have a pole in it
What number SPF blocks people?
i am not so think, as you drunk i am
For those who do not know what ADHD can do to a person, let me expla.....oooh look i got a text message.
I hope I never get to the age when my body can forecast the weather.
Never mistake my silence for weakness. No one plans a murder out loud.
I told my girlfriend I`m Harry Potter`s Godfather... She laughed hard and said "you can`t be Sirius"
Sometimes a special someone walks right into your life and helps you realize how much better your life was before they walked into it.
There`s been a whole lot of office Romance since I became self employed...
I dont care how you live your life, so just let me live mine. Yeah whatever.
I like to say my kid handles funds for a multi-billion dollar corporation. It`s easier than saying he is a cashier at McDonald`s
The Best Excuse given by a Lady for Missing Work ! "My husband took an overdose of Viagra.....Couldn`t leave him alone with the Maid"
Wife really liked the "sex anytime, anywhere" coupon I gave her. Probably should have specified "with me"