Daily Silly Status

One quality I`m not looking for in a partner is the ability to maintain a virtual farm. #FarmVille

The worst part about calling in for a sick day is the pressure of knowing you only have one shot to do the “I’m sick” voice.

You poor thing. You don`t even realize you`re batsh!t crazy, do you?

I always shout "PIZZA`S HERE" so the delivery guy doesn`t think I`m eating two pizzas by myself.

I like to reply to late night snapchat selfies with "what the f*&% is that behind you?!" just because I know the sender has no way to review the photo and will spend the rest of their night scared out of their minds.

If you were home alone in the middle of the night, and you heard a fart, would you laugh or be scared.

is wondering why Facebook bothers to give the option of "liking" my own comment? Of course I like my own comments. I´m awesome..

Women say they love nerds until you whip out your Pokemon cards.

If life was easy, we wouldn`t need alcohol.

I wonder if they let me grow cannabis on Farmville, I`ll be able to sell it on Mafia Wars?

Pretty soon you`ll be able to get married online, instead of saying "I do" you will have to click "I agree to these terms and conditions."

Instead of ‘gay friends’ can we say homiesexuals

I`ve spent the past four years looking for my ex-wife`s killer, but no one will do it.

I`m going to start tackling random guys in football jerseys saying "look how he`s dressed. He was asking for it!"

You know who your true friends are when they call you at 3AM just to tell you they love you and that their drunk...