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We laughed, we cried, we tried another credit card.
My parents would hide fruit roll ups on top of the refrigerator, where I couldn`t reach them. Then leave chemicals right under the sink.
I would call my fashion style: “clothes that still fit.”
Just Failed my Health and Saftey Test.The question was,"What steps would u take,in case of a fire?!"Big f*cking ones"was the wrong answer.
is in that awkward phase of the day between never drinking again and noon.
There must be an easier way to transport long poles across canyons other than walking across a tightrope carrying one pole at a time.
"Try to score a goal. Don`t use your hands. See you afterwards." - Soccer coaches
After much thought and careful consideration, I`ve decided not to do a damn thing today.
The secret to enjoying good wine: Open to let it breathe. If it appears not to be breathing, apply mouth to mouth.
If you`re already in the cop car, I really can`t see how puking in it could make things any worse.
Word of advice. If your wife or girlfriend ever asks "hypothetically speaking, if I was to arrange a threesome for your birthday, which of my friends would you pick to join in?" Never give two names......ever.
A young man gets sent to jail,and gets put into a jail cell with a convict the size of the Incredible Hulk. After lights out, he hears a whisper from the top bunk."Let`s play Mommy and Daddy. Who do you wanna be?" Thinking quick, the man says "daddy." "Then come up here and suck Mommy`s d!ck."
90% of parenting is just screaming at your kids to stop screaming.
Spruce up your weeknight: run the dishwasher and imagine you`re on a cruise!
You can`t run from your problems. unless your fat.