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I was fighting with this gal over who is lazier. I let her win.
"Does my uniform make me look fat?" -Insecurity guard
"You`re better than that" is almost never true
I watched my first Porn the other day. I looked so much younger back then!
I`m not the type of person you should put on speaker phone
Sitting on my hand until it gets numb so it feels like someone else is folding my laundry.
Iām actually not funny. Iām just really mean & people think Iām joking.
Ebay is really getting worse and worse to use. Yesterday I searched for a cigarette lighter. I got 3,974, 601 matches...
Tip for Sunday Church: Don`t forget to keep your phones on silent, especially if your ringtone is `I like big butts and I do not lie!`
next time you`re at a movie point at the screen when a scene with extras are on and say to your buddy "look, there i am!" and see how many people look over at you in awe.
I don`t care what the expiration date says, I have to smell it
Being a little bit crazy is like being a little bit pregnant - you can only hide it for so long.
OMG, what a day I had. If Monday was a guy, I`d punch him in the throat!
Just because I`m nodding my head at appropriate times while you`re talking doesn`t mean I give a sh!t about what you`re saying..
I smile because your my daughter. I laugh because there`s nothing you can do about it. ;)