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My girlfriend said that I should use the term `make love` instead of `f*ck.` What the make love is she talking about?
Hey dude who flipped me off in the Subway parking lot for honking at you, you left your dinner on top of your car.
With everything going on lately... I`ve got a lot of serious thinking to do! Oops....Did I say "Thinking".... I meant "Drinking"!!
Before I wash my socks, I just throw one in the trash.
Caller ID should be more detailed~ "Wants Help Moving" "Going to Whine" "Will Ask to Borrow Money"
I went to the bank and said I`d like to open a joint account. They said "With who?" I said "Anyone who has a lot of money!"
I don`t like making plans for the day, because then the pesky word "premeditated " gets thrown around in court.
I walked into the bar sober with $42 & walked out drunk with $42. But you`re right fellas, men are smarter than women.
I wish you could Google anything. Like, "Where is my phone?" and it would be like, "It`s under the couch, dumba$$."
Live life to its fullest even if that means eating everything in the fridge
A man typed in search box on Google : “What do women want?”. Google Replied : “We are also searching…”
Tried to borrow some bread from my Indian neighbour, but he said he had naan....
love me or leave me,,HEY!!! where is everybody going?
I think some people just log into Facebook just to send me game requests.
Hope dogs are kissing us and not trying to see if we started tasting good yet.