Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
AA meetings would be better if AA stood for Alcohol Afterwards
I would watch NASCAR if it was more like Mario Kart.
I think most of my friends hang out with me to see what I’ll say next.
I feel sorry for historians, they have such a hard time letting go of the past.
I think I’m allergic to mornings.
Dear facebook, please quit asking me what`s on my mind. Eventually I`m going to get in trouble if I keep telling you.
It’s not that I don’t want kids, it’s just that I don’t want a minivan.
Hate having friends? Just chew with your mouth open.
Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place to have sex.
Been there, done that. allegedly
omg I just found out I`m allergic to exercise...at first I get all flushed, then I break out in a sweat, my heart starts pounding really fast, then I cant breath........i wont be doing that again!
Beer: Giving you the courage to talk to women but taking away the ability to make sense.
69% of people find something dirty in every sentence.
Living with a child is like using a blender with no lid...
Me: I must be out of my mind. Me: You and me both.