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Any girl is a stripper if you wait outside her window long enough
I found my wife through online dating. So, she`s definitely got some explaining to do!
That awkward moment when you gently toss your phone on the bed and it bounces off 3 walls, breaks 2 lamps and kills a cat...
If video games have taught me anything, it’s that if you encounter enemies then you’re going the right way.
When one door closes and another one opens, it`s time to pack up and leave because your house is clearly haunted.
The only difference between doggy style and reverse cowgirl is who wants to watch the TV more.
When one door closes, another opens ... I had a Chevette that was like that.
My neighbors wifi isn`t working. Do you think they are aware and are trying to fix it, or should I go let them know?
Only awesome people are allowed to ‘LIKE’ this status!
TIP: If cars are passing you on the highway in the LEFT lane, GET THE HELL OUT OF THE RIGHT LANE!
Every so often you come across a person that supplies you with endless motivation, even if it is just to jump into traffic.
I`ll be back in five minutes. If I`m not, read this again :D
I think it’s funny when dogs hide under the bed when they’re scared. I’m like “you idiot, that’s the first place monsters go!
Our kids biggest challenge will be to find a username that`s not already taken.
I broke up with my girlfriend by e-mail. I don`t know what upset her most, the fact that I did it by email or the fact that I cc`d my new girlfriend who wanted proof.